Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Today marks the two year anniversary from when I was admitted into the hospital.  I have been dreading this day for a long time because it reminds me of how my life could have turned out so differently.  I look back and wonder if I would have went to a different hospital or addressed my pain sooner, where I would be today?

I think we could all look back over the past two years and wonder what we could have done differently.  If we would have acted differently two years ago where could we, ourselves, be?  Where could our country be?  Where could our world be.  The actions and decisions we make today will continue to affect our future.  In reading the news for today, I wondered where we could be as a country today if we would have made different decisions.  

GM Spending Cuts to Add $15 Billion to Cash by 2009.  According to Bloomberg, “General Motors will suspended its stock dividend, cut salaried payroll by 20 percent and proposed selling assets to raise at least $15 billion in the next 18 months, eliminate the 25-cent quarterly dividend to save $800 million are part of $10 billion in operating expense cuts.  The company will raise $4 billion to $7 billion through asset sales and new bank loans.”  If GM would have focused on building a better car, would they be in the same situation they are in today?  If the unions would have been less greedy with salaries and benefits, would the company be where it’s at today?

Another headline that caught my eye and gave me the feeling of deja vu was the “FDIC chair: Deposits in nation's banks are safe.”   Sheila Bair, FDIC chairwoman, said in an interview that "The banking system as a whole is absolutely safe.’”  You can ask the same questions about these lending agencies and those individuals who took out the adjustable rate mortgages and bought homes that they could not afford.  What caused the Great Depression was the banking industry going under.  The FDIC was created in order that the banking industry would become safe and trusting.  I hope that the FDIC though is prepared to cover so many losses if banks do go under.  

Finally some justice in the world.  CNN reports in a article titled “Darfur genocide charges”  that the the Sudanese president will face charges for the genocide attempt in the Darfur region of Africa.  It seems though the world learned from the last great genocide of Germany that action needs to be taken immediately before the extreme consequences of Genocide is felt throughout the whole world.  

If we would have acted different two, four, even ten years ago with policy and laws, where would be?  I do not know but I pray we did make the right decisions.  

So I still have an unanswered question from Sunday’s entry.  I guess I should answer it since I promised I would...

I became a Star Trek: Voyager fan back in high school.  I had a crush on Jerri Ryan as did many kids my age.  Now that it is off the air, I try to catch the reruns on TV after I get off work everyday.  Now with a college education and a different look at the world, I appreciate the show more than just having a beautiful actress walking around in spandex.  The show really deals with the problems of today and shows how we can solve these problems through diplomacy and acts of peace.  It deals with the issues and gives the world hope that we will one day find a way to work together as a common group of people.  Last night, they showed the episode where Nelix was killed in a freak accident.  He was on an away mission and was brought back to the ship.  Seven of Nine heard that Nelix was killed and used some of her nano-probes to bring him back to life some 18 hours after he was killed.  When Nelix awoke, he was shocked to find that he saw nothing in death.  Nothing that his culture told him that he would see.  Nelix was having a hard time dealing this but eventually finds that the reason he is so upset that he did not remember seeing anything was more because he was afraid of death.  Not remembering did not necessarily mean nothing happened but rather it was the fear of not knowing what did happen and what will happen.  

As I watched the show, all I kept thinking was I know how Nelix feels.  Not seeing a light that so many people claim to have seen was hard for me to deal with.  I really questioned my faith and my belief in a God.  I believe in a God that is so loving and so just but the life that I once had ended and I was given this new life.  I never asked for any of this to happen to me and I was very happy and content with the life that I was living.  Why God chose me is something I prayed and asked God everyday.  I felt cheated on the fact that I didn’t get to see a light or any sign that there  was a heaven.  I wanted to see something to confirm my faith and I never did or I thought I never did.  Just like Nelix, I realized the I had a fear in death and a fear of not knowing what happens to us when we die.  But what I realized was that I didn’t need to see a light.  I was missing the entire miracle that God gave me.  Sure I didn’t see a light but I was healed.  I was brought back to life against all odds.  I was saved and nobody knows why or how.  The doctors did nothing but just gave me support.  While I still at times question what I believe I always find strength through my questions.  

So if I could go back in time and change what happened I would not.  Bad things do happen to good people and what we need to do is learn from these problems and mistakes and make the necessary changes in our lives.  Problems will always arise but it is how we work through these problems that show our strength.  I have had the opportunity to address churches, a synod assembly, a local school, and hundred if not thousands of people about what happened to me and what I learned.  The experiences after and during my hospital stay will forever live with me.  Some of the memories are bad but so many are good.  I will never forget the day that the doctor came into my room and said “you are going home.”  It is a feeling that is very rare and will only happen a few times.  Some how I know that what happened to me was for a reason.  I do not know what that reason is but it did happen for a reason.  Today may be bad day and a bad day to remember but in 26 days on August 10th, I will remember the day I was discharged from the hospital and I will remember the best day of my life.