Stuff in the News--July 31, 2008

Now that my summer internship is done and over with, I think I will continue to use this blog for advocacy.  What can I say, I am a sociologist.

BBC news is reporting that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will be cutting 22,000 state jobs and 200,000 will be receiving pay cuts.  When I say pay cuts I mean everyone receiving a salary cute will be paid minimum wage.  California's state financial controller, John Chiang, a Democrat, said he is refusing to pay employees the new salary saying it could cause legal actions.  The Governor said he is willing to sue the Controller’s office in order for the pay cuts to go into effect.  And the Republicans say we are not in a recession.  Banks are failing, State Governments are cutting jobs and salaries, the stock market is loosing more shares every day; screw a recession, I say we are on the brink of a depression.

Exxon-mobile, the country’s leader in oil production, made a record nearly 12 billion dollar profit.  Profit people!!!!!!!  While Americans are having to make the decision or whether or not to eat or drive to work, Exxon is taking in record profits.  We do not need to drill in the Golf, we need to drill these energy companies.  We need to take the hell out of them and give back all the money they have stolen from Americans and give it back.  Since July 11th, gas prices have fallen roughly 20 dollars a barrel.  It is a roughly 14% drop in price.  However pump prices have only come down about about 3%.  If pump prices were to reflect the drop in oil, we should be paying roughly 3.53 a gallon, a 42 cent difference.  I know Lutherans believe in Justification by faith, but I hope to God these oil executives burn in hell.

A prayer for our country...Oh God, help us.  Amen.

Final Paper

With my internship behind me, I had finished my final paper of my internship.  I thought you all may want to read my paper.  I know its long but I am a graduate of sociology and I like to write.  Enjoy. 

Coming into this program, all I could think about was what was I getting myself into.  I nearly had a nervous breakdown when I turned into the retreat center and I found myself driving through a farm to get to the retreat center.  This was the first time in a long time that I had no control over what was going to happen.  I had no idea what I was going to be doing, who I was going to be living with, and I had no idea what possessed me to apply to servant summer.  I never imagined that I be chosen for the program and I really just wanted to say I tried to do something new but it was not God’s will.  Apparently it was God’s will that I be accepted into the program and I would have to surrender my life over to individuals who I have never met.  Part of being a seminarian is being able to trust that God is in control and this was my first experience with put my full faith into God’s hand.  I was very surprised that at the end of my eight weeks that I would really miss going into the office, sitting in the Atlanta traffic, and staying with Les and his son Mark.  

I learned many things from working with LSG but more importantly what LSG has taught me was that this world is not always fair and not one person can change it.  It takes a special group of people working very hard to make a difference and LSG does just that.  I came into this summer with the idea and hope of changing the world but what I learned was that to make a difference, we all need to work together.  The following are just some of the things that I realized from working with LSG.

What is “Good” and what is “Bad?”

One day during the usual lunch discussion a lady made a comment about a recent article in the paper about a Georgia Tech student who died from Heroin overdose.  She thought it was wrong that the paper published that he was a good kid because good kids do not do drugs.  Now I thought she was wrong but I had only been at this office for a little over a week so I kept my mouth shut.  Elizabeth turned to me and said I’m too quiet and to chime in.  I told her I did not think there was any good left in the world and I really believe that to be true when we think just because somebody uses drugs automatically makes them a bad person.  We live in a time period where we can do almost anything.  We can transplant organs from human to another (from one species to another even) and yet we use violence to settle difference, we lock up society’s worst offenders and do nothing to try to change their behaviors.  Studies have shown that if communities and governments invest in community development programs, crime will fall while good behaviors, social advancement, and overall a better environment for people will increase.  We rather invest in weapons that kill and destroy and less in trying to make lasting changes in the lives of people, in the lives of our neighbors.  

“Those arms were meant for you.”

I was at Target one night buying a card for my dad for Father’s day and I decided to check out the DVD department.  They had a DVD titled the “Ultimate Gift.”  I had seen the beginning once before and had always wanted to see the ending.  One scene has been on my mind.  Jason, who was searching for his gift left by his grandfather (which is really a life lesson) and Emily (a young girl who is dying from leukemia) are sitting in the chapel of the hospital.  Emily is crying because she knows she is very sick and Jason said “I don’t know a lot about Religion or Jesus” and pointing to the statue of Jesus he said “but I know those arms were meant for holding you.”  I’ve been going back and forth with living down here and always thinking about the loneliness of not knowing anyone down here when I am missing the big picture and the job God is calling me to do.  The loneliness that these kids who are living in foster care is unimaginable.  I know what it feels to be loved because I have been loved and I miss having love ones around me because I know what it means to have love ones around me.  These kids do not.  Many of them have not seen their families in years and have parents that want nothing to do with them.  They have been placed in foster home after foster home and never really feel a sense of love and family.  I know what I miss but these kids never have felt it. 

Standing up for what is right is more important than anything else.

Everything we do in life reflects how individuals and society views us.  Martin Luther put it right when he said "You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say."  To not stand up in any job for what is right is the same as committing the wrong.  I enjoy working for a church agency because I am working to better society.  I know its a little "clichesish" but I'm going to say it anyway;  "Our kids are our future."  Working in adoption these past eight weeks, I have seen and heard stories of how children were pulled from homes because they were abused physically and mentally.  I have heard stories of 13 and 14 year olds who have gave up their newborns because they cannot provide adequate parenting to the child.  This could all be very different if we, as a country, all work harder in educating and providing better programs to children and adults alike.  If we did this adoption or foster care would be a thing of the past.  We would not spend billions of dollars a year in court cost, child care cost for foster kids, or anything involving adoption if we would as a society, if we as a Christian Church, invest in programs that better individuals rather than investing in bombs and bullets that kill and destroy families.  I would love to see the day when Adoption and Foster Care are things of the past.  I want to see the day when we all turn to our neighbors, our enemies, the bad guys and say "lets work this out over coffee."

The great wonder and mystery of Faith and Grace.

The single most important church doctrine in the Lutheran Church is Justification by Faith through Grace.  I had to memorize that title in confirmation as many Lutherans had to.  But what exactly is faith and what exactly is grace?  How can I have faith?  Well it's by God's grace.  Well what is God's grace?  It comes from your faith.  Faith comes from God's grace but one must have faith to receive grace.  Now you know why I do not understand Faith and Grace.  The beauty of theology is that its okay to admit that we don't know.  Science demands hard facts to back up findings and the truth but theology and religion facts and proof solely rest with God.  To say we don't know shows the world  the great awe and power of God.  God is God.  If we could understand God we would not need God.  

There is the passage from Matthew where Jesus proclaims that if we only have faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains.  I have never been able to say to a mountain move and that mountain actually moved but I do believe those mountains Jesus is referring to is not the physical mountains in the land but the mountains we create in our society and in our lives.  While I enjoy working in social justice and social change agencies, these same agencies are faced with life altering decisions to make everyday.  I have come to realize that this world really does need God to make the hard decisions for us.  Good people lose their jobs because of corporate take overs, young men and women die everyday because of drug related crimes, parents have to bury their children because of cancer or other incurable diseases are just some of the problems we deal with every single day.  Why one child lives while another dies is a mystery but its a mystery that we do not have to know about or will ever have to make those choices.  God makes the hard choices and God also comforts us.  

Doing what God is calling us to do is different from what society is calling us to do.

One night I was watching TV and came across a show called Hopkins.  It profiles doctors at John Hopkin's Hospital in Baltimore (Of course I could not turn down an opportunity to watch a TV show involving Baltimore).  One of the doctors who was being profiled was going through a rough patch in his marriage.  He was having to work 80 hours a week for his residency while his wife mostly took care of their three children.  She asked him to move out while they sort everything out.  He said "a good doctor will always put his patients first."  By this very definition his family would have to come second.  This man, who is a very good doctor, was willing to risk losing his family and the love of his life so that he may save the life of a patient.  I do not know if I should give him a metal or slap him.  The road that Jesus is calling us to walk on is not well paved but it is full of pot holes and individuals who are set on robbing us.  God has called him into medicine to save lives and he needs to do just that but God also gave him the responsibility of being a father to his kids and a husband to his wife.

Disability vs. Ability

Extreme Makeover recently featured the Hughes family and rebuilt their house to accommodate the needs of their son Patrick Henry Hughes.  Patrick Henry was born with no eyes and a number of birth defects have left him with the inability to stretch his limbs out 180 degrees.  Patrick Henry is bound to his wheelchair and relies on his parents for assistance.  The house he was living in was not handicapped accessible.  He had to, at times, craw on the floor while he dragged his wheelchair up different ramps throughout the house.  The situation that he was living in was not livable but he really was not complaining.  While he wanted a new house he was very happy with the hand God had dealt him.  He told Tye Pennington that he does not see his blindness as a disability but rather an ability.  People that can see judge on the outside before they judge on the inside.  While Patrick’s eyes may not work, his mind does and he is a highly gifted musician.  He plays pieces simply by ear and is even in the University of Louisville’s marching band.  His father pushes him in formation while Patrick Henry plays the trumpet.  Along with the trumpet, Patrick Henry is a brilliant pianist and vocalist.  He has inspired the entire city of Louisville, Kentucky with his music and his outlook on life.  What I could not get over was how happy Patrick Henry was even before Extreme Makeover came into his life.  He was very content with living in his parent’s house and living the life God gave him to the fullest.  Many of the children that LSG helps place have developmental and  physical disabilities and many of the caseworkers and myself really wonder if these kids will ever be able to live a normal life.  Patrick Henry has against all odds become a successful musician who is in college working very hard to make a difference in the world and if he can then I believe anyone can. 

This experience at Lutheran Services of Georgia has impacted my faith in many ways.  Faith is a very strange entity.  Our faith is never the same from day to day and to have good faith also means to have bad faith.  Having faith is probably best described by George Ritzer who is  a sociologist from the University of Maryland and is an expert in the theory on McDonaldization.  Ritzer describes McDonalization as “irrational rationality” which means its crazy to believe in something that seems so wrong but at the same time is a great benefit to us.  McDonaldization is simply taking a very complex and expensive process and determining the fastest and cheapest way to complete the process.  While McDonalization saves us money it also cost countless individuals their jobs and their individuality.  Ritzer uses “irrational rationality” as a negative term but we as Christians can use this as a positive term apply this to our faith as “irrational rationality” because even though it may seem crazy to believe in a God that we cannot physically see we still believe.  Part of my internship was spent learning about how the system of adoption works.  I would go to a number of staffing meetings with different LSG caseworkers.  I heard countless stories of Meth-addicted mothers and fathers who would leave their young children alone with strangers as they go and try to find their next hit.  I heard stories of children hiding with their parents as they ran from the police.  Not only are their minds forever distorted about right and wrong, but these children who are so young are having to function as adults. These children are having to supply their everyday needs that should be supplied by their parents.  They are having to be parents for their younger siblings because their parents are in a back room shooting up. It is impossible to sit there and listen about these children and wonder where God is in the midst of these children.  But at the same time while I wondered where God is, God is right there in midst of all the heartache and confusion these children were facing.  While I heard so many stories of the horrors many of these children faced at the same time I heard of foster parents who would take these children in and for the first time in these young children’s lives would feel love.  I heard of adoptive parents who already had two children and want to adopt because they want to make a difference in these children’s lives.  While what these parents are doing may seem irrational, it is also the rational thing to do.  We all as a society, as Christians, have so much to give and sometimes some of us have an extra bed, extra room in our hearts for another child who needs to feel love.  Just as adoption is “irrational rationality” so to is our faith.  It is crazy to believe but at the same time is is crazy not to believe in a God that loves us so much.

Extreme Makeover showed its 100th episode about halfway through my internship this summer.  One of the builders was giving a motivational talk and said, "We are not heros but we are angels."  We do not always have to be heros to make a difference.  We cannot save the world and the world does not need to be saved.  The world has a Saviour and has been saved through the blood of Christ.  Rather this world needs angels, those bearing the Word of God and Christ himself, in order that others may see and know God.  The work of the church is not just a one ministry organization accomplished by ordained pastors.  On the contrary, the church is full of of ministries and missions all determined on bringing the world the Light of Christ.  If I was to find out tomorrow that seminary was no longer an option, I would not be upset because I know that I would continue to serve God through living out the Gospel through my day to day interactions with others.  That is the only thing God is calling us to do;  live out the Gospel everyday, to sin boldly but have a even stronger faith in Christ, and to know that God will never abandon us in anything we do.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

With just one day remaining at my internship I thought I would talk today about the last biblical quote I briefly talked about yesterday.  

Micah 6:  3-8

‘O my people, what have I done to you?
   In what have I wearied you? Answer me!
For I brought you up from the land of Egypt,
   and redeemed you from the house of slavery;
and I sent before you Moses,
   Aaron, and Miriam.
O my people, remember now what King Balak of Moab devised,
   what Balaam son of Beor answered him,
and what happened from Shittim to Gilgal,
   that you may know the saving acts of the Lord.’ 

‘With what shall I come before the Lord,
   and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt-offerings,
   with calves a year old?
Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
   with tens of thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
   the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?’
He has told you, O mortal, what is good;
   and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
   and to walk humbly with your God?

I find it a little odd that God is questioning the people of Israel, his chosen people.  God saved them from the wrath of Egypt and lead them to the promise land.  He saved them countless tyrants and yet his people still question him.  They have no patience.  I could sit here all day and criticize the Israelites but I would be just criticizing myself and every other Christian in the world.  

My dad told a story in a sermon one time about the invention of the ejection seat in fighter jets.  During the training of the seats, pilots were launched into the air while strapped to the seat and then they would have to let go so the parachute could open and they would fall safely back to earth.  However many pilots were injured during the testing because they could not let go of the seat, the one thing that was solid and what they thought would be their safety neat.  How many of us have a seat, have a comfort that we cannot let go even it means being injured or even killed?  How many of us live in fear that if we do let go, will our parachute, our faith save us?  If you do not raise your hand you are only kidding yourself.  Even myself have doubts about my faith.  Did Jesus really die on the cross?  Did Jesus even exist?  Is everything I believe in a lie, a story that somebody made up so that they could take my money?  There are so many questions that I have with no real answer to them and I am sure many Christians have the same questions.  All we have to hold onto is our faith and for some reason, our faith is not enough sometimes.  

It is human nature to question what we cannot see, when sometimes what we cannot see is right in front of us.  Ever walk into a wall?  I do it at least once a day and not on purpose.  Just because we cannot see something does not mean it does not exist.  In my final paper about Servant Summer, I talked about a term “Irrational Rationality.”  It literally means what it reads; it is crazy but at the same time the best thing we can do.  Sociologists usually use the term as a negative term.  George Ritzer used the term when talking about his theory of McDonalization.  We as Christians can use the term as a positive term.  Believing in Jesus is crazy.  It is insane and down right foolish.  People discriminate against other Christians and lump Christians together as egotistical and downright wrong for putting their faith in a God that cannot be seen or heard.  But believing in God and believing that Jesus died and saved us from our sins is the rational, the only truth to believe in.  In the end, the world will beat  us down, criticize us for our belief, and kill us but it is our faith that will save us.  Believing is not an easy thing to do and will be at times almost impossible but in the end we will receive our reward.  80 years of believing, a lifetime of faith, will gain us a seat in heaven.  

Meanwhile God calls us only to do a few things.  He knows we can never be perfect.  Nothing we do will ever will win favor with God.  No gifts, no possessions, no actions will ever get God to like us.  Jesus took care of that for us.  All God wants us to do is live out his gospel, to give justice to those need it, to love mercy and show God’s mercy and not hide it, and live a humble life.  The best part of my job this summer was seeing the Hand of God working through our organization:  Giving parents who are not able to conceive a child to adopt, refugees who come to America with nothing are given new lives and chance to start over, and those who are affected by the massive flooding are able to rebuild with volunteers from LSG.  

“He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I was going though my computer this morning searching for a funny story.  I usually will save them on my computer so I can read them at my leisure.  Instead of finding something funny I found a very short reflection that I wrote down almost two years ago, right after I was discharged from the hospital.  I had received over 200 cards and letters from people while I was sick in the hospital.  One of the cards was from a church member of my former parish.  She enclosed a little note about a women who was working in Lutheran Mission in Liberia in 1954.  She was 22 at the time and she became very ill—to the point of death.  At 22 she thought she was going to change the world (I know how she feels).  She shares two valuable pieces of information that I thought I share with you.  Be patient with the Lord and in the words of Saint Paul to the Corinthians, “His power is made perfect in weakness.”  

In a society that is constantly moving, patience is not something that is desired anymore.  Deadlines are set in stone and missing deadlines can cost us our jobs and future.  Our lives are controlled by deadlines and swaying from these deadlines is a death sentence.  We even set deadlines for God and if he does not respond to our prayers by such and such time, we assume he does not exist or does not care about us.  It does not matter how much we bitch and complain that God does not care about us because he did not act when first asked.  God is God and he works on his own schedule.  To tell you the truth, I think God hates working under pressure and our silly deadlines.  

God does not ask much out of us.  In the words of the Prophet Micah, God calls us to "do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God."  God will fill in the rest.  What God will give us may not always be roses but he is always with us. 

Monday, July 21, 2008

“Amazing Grace, How Sweet the sound, that saved a wrench like me.  I once was lost but now I am found.  Was blind but now I see.”

Again I cannot take credit for coming up with these lyrics.  John Newton is the author and his story is fascinating.  He was the captain of a slave ship and had an epiphany while out on the open sea.  The ship was caught in a severe storm and he prayed that God would save them.  The storm eventually subsided and the crew was spared.  Newton began reading the bible and eventually converted over to Christianity.  It was after his conversion that he wrote the words “Amazing Grace how sweet the sound...”  He was later ordained as an Anglican Priest and was very famous in England.  He later joined forces with William Wilberforce who lead the cause to abolish slavery in the British Empire.  If you have not seen the movie Amazing Grace I suggest renting it.  The movie is much more detailed.

These past seven weeks have been rough.  I have spent a lot of time planning and not really seeing any results.  Our first event at Emmanuel was a major let down and I was really wondering why God sent me here.  I did not want to spend the entire summer working and seeing no results.  Yesterday I saw the Amazing Grace of God.  We went to Apostles in the morning and had a great response from the congregation.  I really did like this congregation and the praise band was phenomenal.  I mean wow.  The last song they did was He Reigns.  This song is incredibly hard to sing and play and to hear it done well is very rare.  The bass player blew me away.  He played the bass line perfectly and sang this song with all his heart.  Later that evening we had an adoption orientation at Trinity Lutheran where we had 10 participants.  I only had four rsvp and the pastor did not think anyone would come.  I was shocked when all these people came.  Amazing Grace...Amazing Grace.

God’s Amazing Grace is beyond all human understanding.  His grace can change even the hardest of hearts and it is by his Grace alone that we receive his love.  His  grace was revealed to Newton and as soon as Newton saw his grace, he began to make a change.  Granted it took Newton years to get out of the Slave Trade after his conversion but how many of us find it easy to leave the security of our sins.  Think about it, the slave trade was all Newton knew.  It was his source of income and it was how he was seen by the world and the society that he lived in.   Jesus does not call the best of the best but he calls you and me.  He calls the ordinary out of darkness to be his own.  Sometimes we like the darkness because the darkness is all we know.  Once we get over our fear, we see the light and God’s Amazing Grace that saved a wrench like me.

Firday, July 18, 2008

Oh today has been one nutty day.  I wake up nice and early.  I leave on time for the first time in eight weeks only to find my back rear tire flat.  So I change the tire and take my car over to Firestone.  320 dollars later I have two new back tires and lifetime alignment on the car.  I have spent over 900 dollars on my car this summer.  Fleecing of America...ha....Fleecing of my credit card...now that is serious.

So I have the house pretty much to myself this weekend.  Les has gone up to South Carolina and left Mark and I to fend for ourselves.  It is actually not that bad.  Mark does his own thing and I just watch tv.  It is a very nice relationship.  I hope to go to this train museum tomorrow.  I think they have a deal where if you pay a little more, you can ride up in the Engine.  My fantasy has come true.  Now I just need to have a girl in it and I am set.  

To close I like to leave with a verse from Matthew.“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.” Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?” And the king will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family,* you did it to me.”  Amen.

Wednesday, July 16th

Yesterday was one crazy day.  Between everything that was going on yesterday morning, I thought my day could not get much worst.  I was wrong only this time it was not my life that would be thrown into chaos  but perfect stranger that I met on the highway yesterday.  While I was driving home I got stuck in traffic.  I was talking to my brother when all of a sudden in my rear-view mirror I see a blue truck swerve and plow into a number of cars.  I pull off the road onto the shoulder and start running down shoulder to help.  It was pure insanity yesterday.  One women was knock unconscious while her car was stuck in gear.  Her car ended up slamming into another car while a man climbed into the mangel car to shut it off.  What a way to spend the two year anniversary of being admitted into the hospital.  Instead of needing care, I was giving care.  The experience made me miss working at the hospital and running to different emergencies; being in the midst of an emergency and seeing how everyone works together to pull through the emergency.  

Today has been nice and quiet at the office.  Nobody is here and if it was not for the fact that I have a meeting at 3 pm, I would not be sitting here writing this entry.  But I’m here doing odd jobs for different people while I listen to some music.  I think I could get use to this lifestyle.  I got an email yesterday about Summer Greek.  I am going to die.  Seriously, die.  I have taken some pretty hard classes in my lifetime but I think Greek is going to top them all.  I was shocked though when I called the book store at LTSG and they were cheaper than the internet.  I’m so use to Towson gouging prices that I am not use to a school that actually cares about their students.  What a nice change.  Ok that is all I have to report on today.  Much better day today.  

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Today marks the two year anniversary from when I was admitted into the hospital.  I have been dreading this day for a long time because it reminds me of how my life could have turned out so differently.  I look back and wonder if I would have went to a different hospital or addressed my pain sooner, where I would be today?

I think we could all look back over the past two years and wonder what we could have done differently.  If we would have acted differently two years ago where could we, ourselves, be?  Where could our country be?  Where could our world be.  The actions and decisions we make today will continue to affect our future.  In reading the news for today, I wondered where we could be as a country today if we would have made different decisions.  

GM Spending Cuts to Add $15 Billion to Cash by 2009.  According to Bloomberg, “General Motors will suspended its stock dividend, cut salaried payroll by 20 percent and proposed selling assets to raise at least $15 billion in the next 18 months, eliminate the 25-cent quarterly dividend to save $800 million are part of $10 billion in operating expense cuts.  The company will raise $4 billion to $7 billion through asset sales and new bank loans.”  If GM would have focused on building a better car, would they be in the same situation they are in today?  If the unions would have been less greedy with salaries and benefits, would the company be where it’s at today?

Another headline that caught my eye and gave me the feeling of deja vu was the “FDIC chair: Deposits in nation's banks are safe.”   Sheila Bair, FDIC chairwoman, said in an interview that "The banking system as a whole is absolutely safe.’”  You can ask the same questions about these lending agencies and those individuals who took out the adjustable rate mortgages and bought homes that they could not afford.  What caused the Great Depression was the banking industry going under.  The FDIC was created in order that the banking industry would become safe and trusting.  I hope that the FDIC though is prepared to cover so many losses if banks do go under.  

Finally some justice in the world.  CNN reports in a article titled “Darfur genocide charges”  that the the Sudanese president will face charges for the genocide attempt in the Darfur region of Africa.  It seems though the world learned from the last great genocide of Germany that action needs to be taken immediately before the extreme consequences of Genocide is felt throughout the whole world.  

If we would have acted different two, four, even ten years ago with policy and laws, where would be?  I do not know but I pray we did make the right decisions.  

So I still have an unanswered question from Sunday’s entry.  I guess I should answer it since I promised I would...

I became a Star Trek: Voyager fan back in high school.  I had a crush on Jerri Ryan as did many kids my age.  Now that it is off the air, I try to catch the reruns on TV after I get off work everyday.  Now with a college education and a different look at the world, I appreciate the show more than just having a beautiful actress walking around in spandex.  The show really deals with the problems of today and shows how we can solve these problems through diplomacy and acts of peace.  It deals with the issues and gives the world hope that we will one day find a way to work together as a common group of people.  Last night, they showed the episode where Nelix was killed in a freak accident.  He was on an away mission and was brought back to the ship.  Seven of Nine heard that Nelix was killed and used some of her nano-probes to bring him back to life some 18 hours after he was killed.  When Nelix awoke, he was shocked to find that he saw nothing in death.  Nothing that his culture told him that he would see.  Nelix was having a hard time dealing this but eventually finds that the reason he is so upset that he did not remember seeing anything was more because he was afraid of death.  Not remembering did not necessarily mean nothing happened but rather it was the fear of not knowing what did happen and what will happen.  

As I watched the show, all I kept thinking was I know how Nelix feels.  Not seeing a light that so many people claim to have seen was hard for me to deal with.  I really questioned my faith and my belief in a God.  I believe in a God that is so loving and so just but the life that I once had ended and I was given this new life.  I never asked for any of this to happen to me and I was very happy and content with the life that I was living.  Why God chose me is something I prayed and asked God everyday.  I felt cheated on the fact that I didn’t get to see a light or any sign that there  was a heaven.  I wanted to see something to confirm my faith and I never did or I thought I never did.  Just like Nelix, I realized the I had a fear in death and a fear of not knowing what happens to us when we die.  But what I realized was that I didn’t need to see a light.  I was missing the entire miracle that God gave me.  Sure I didn’t see a light but I was healed.  I was brought back to life against all odds.  I was saved and nobody knows why or how.  The doctors did nothing but just gave me support.  While I still at times question what I believe I always find strength through my questions.  

So if I could go back in time and change what happened I would not.  Bad things do happen to good people and what we need to do is learn from these problems and mistakes and make the necessary changes in our lives.  Problems will always arise but it is how we work through these problems that show our strength.  I have had the opportunity to address churches, a synod assembly, a local school, and hundred if not thousands of people about what happened to me and what I learned.  The experiences after and during my hospital stay will forever live with me.  Some of the memories are bad but so many are good.  I will never forget the day that the doctor came into my room and said “you are going home.”  It is a feeling that is very rare and will only happen a few times.  Some how I know that what happened to me was for a reason.  I do not know what that reason is but it did happen for a reason.  Today may be bad day and a bad day to remember but in 26 days on August 10th, I will remember the day I was discharged from the hospital and I will remember the best day of my life.  

Monday, July 14th, 2008

So I am officially sick.  I got some kind of cold and it is annoying as hell.  I can breath then I can't breath.  My throat hurts then it does not.  I wish my body would make up its mind.  I am really beginning to think that this cold is mostly mental because of this two year anniversary.  Yeah I said it, I am going crazy.  Deal with it.  My blog, my thoughts.

Today has been fairly busy.  I was working on getting a couple of emails and constructing my final evaluations with the churches.  Before I knew it, it was 12:30 and my department was going out to lunch to celebrate Joanne's Birthday.  The restaurant was at claimed to have Maryland style Crab Cakes.  They did not look like Maryland Style Crab Cakes and they had this sauce on top of them.  I am very happy I did not get that or I would have been very upset.  You do not mess with Maryland Crab Cake.  That should be some kind of federal law punishable by a slap.  Food though was very good.  

Well only about two weeks left in Atlanta.  I think when I get back all I want to do is eat a real crab cake.  I'm a very simple boy to please.

Sunday, July 13th, 2008

This morning instead of going to my typical church I went to Emmanuel Lutheran Church representing LSG.  Emmanuel Lutheran is a small African-American Church that has so much potential for growing.  It reminded me a lot of my former church in Baltimore.  I miss those dynamics that Emmanuel had and the small feel of the church.  People came up to me and I knew that these people were happy to see me and happy that I was worshiping with them.  Going to a large church does have it benefits but it does not have that close feeling that I grew up with.  I feel the event at Emmanuel was very successful and I do believe that we were successful able to get the word out about adoption.  

Coming home I got stuck in a very heavy down pour.  It rained hard from the time I left Emmanuel till about an hour after I got home.  This was some serious rain people.  The roads were so filled with water that my car was struggling to stay above 40 miles an hour.  It took me an hour to get home which was double the amount of time it would normally take.  But with rain comes flowers.  Atlanta needs the rain and I’m sure these storm have helped with their drought situation.  

The rest of my day consisted of playing with the trains and watching television.  I love being lazy on Sundays.  Les likes to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition and I usually join him since I have nothing else to do on a Sunday night.  I typically avoid watching the show because it makes me cry.  Tonight was no different and the individual who impacted me the most tonight was the young man who had inspired the team to come out and build his family a new house, Patrick Henry Hughes.  Patrick was born with no eyes and a number of birth defects have left him with the inability to stretch his limbs out 180 degrees.  Patrick is bound to his wheelchair and relies on his parents for assistance.  The house he was living in was not handicapped accessible.  He had to at times craw on the floor while he dragged his wheelchair up different ramps throughout the house.  The situation that he was living in was not livable but he really was not complaining.  While he wanted a new house he was very happy with the hand God had dealt him.  He told Tye Pennington that he does not see his blindness as a disability but rather an ability.  People that can see judge on the outside before they judge on the inside.  While Patrick’s eyes may not work, his mind does and he is a highly gifted musician.  He plays pieces simply by ear and is even in the University of Louisville’s marching band.  His father pushes him in formation while Patrick plays the trumpet.  Along with the trumpet, Patrick is a brilliant pianist and vocalist.  He has inspired the entire city of Louisville, Kentucky with his music and his outlook on life.  It made me question how I view the world.  While I will continue to advocate to for social change and social equality, but what if I or even each of us had to live with blinders on and all we saw the world was as black and white.  Not even black and white but grayscale.  Colors did not matter and we judge solely on our actions and the content of our minds.  I think I rather live in a world like that but unfortunately tomorrow when I wake up and go into work and back into society, those blinders will be removed from me and everyone else.  What divides us as a group of people will continue to divide us and Patrick’s words will fade back into the distance.  Still knowing all of this, Patrick still inspires me.

I have been having a rough time emotionally as the two year anniversary approaches for my life altering hospital stay.  I cannot stop thinking about where I was two years ago and just thinking that this pain was nothing and would go away in a few days.  Little did I know but that pain I was having was more serious and very deadly.  I look back and wonder how different my life would be if I would never have gotten sick.  I would be on CPE right now and preparing to enter my second year in seminary.  I would have graduated on time and probably would not be writing this blog because I would not have to write a blog for CPE.  I remember the pain of having IV’s stuck in me every single day.  I remember the pain of seeing friends faces as they walked in my room to say hi but also to say goodbye.  I remember the look in my mom’s eyes as she held my hand when the pain was so bad. I remember seeing my dad crying because I was in this hospital bed and not standing next to him telling him everything would be ok.  I remember my brother walking up to Lexington Market to buy me a small stereo so I could listen to music in order that I would not be in so much pain.  So many of these images torture me and haunt me everyday.  But unlike Patrick, unless you know me and know everything that happened to me you would just think of me as an average guy.  Patrick lives with his wounds visibility everyday and people judge him because of those wounds before they get to know him.  I am able to hide.

So the question still remains.  If I was able to go back and change history and never get sick would I do it?  Well I will tell you...in just a few days.  Thank you Patrick for inspiring us to look beyond the outer and look at the inner.  I hope in my lifetime and your lifetime as well that we will one day all see the world as you do.  

Friday, July 11th

I was very shocked to find out that a friend of mine from middle school (whom I have not talked to since the end of eighth grade) was arrested for killing a man with a shot gun during a robbery. My friend was the robber and not the victim. I just cannot stop thinking about where I would be today if I would have stayed friends with Anthony and went to the same high school as him. Essentially, Anthony’s life is over now. He will most likely spend the rest of his life in prison. What a waste.

On July 15th, 2006 my life was forever changed. I spent 26 days in the hospital on the edge of death. I cannot stop thinking about what ifs in my head. What if I would have ignored the pain and never went to the hospital? I could have died at home or I could of have been physically disabled for the rest of my life. What if I would have been in an area without the sophisticated technology that the University of Maryland had? The life that I have now could be very different. I very well could have died.

I know God has a plan for me and for some reason he has chosen me. I almost feel selfish that my life has turned out significantly better than others. I just cannot stop thinking that if I would have made some different choices in my life that I could be in that jail cell with Anthony.

Four more days till the two year mark…

Wednesday, July 9th

If this internship has taught me anything it’s that this world is cruel place. On Monday I went with Noreen to a meeting where a prospective adoptive family was being told of two children whom were up for adoption. The two kids have been in and out of Foster Care for the past four years. The boy had been in five different homes and the little girl had been in four different homes. They were finally placed together in a foster home with a wonderful lady who has really helped the two children. The foster mom would be perfect to adopt the children but she is in her early 70’s. I was sitting there as the caseworker was listing all the emotional and physical problems these two children have. The meeting was two hours long and we did not take a break the entire time while they listed all the problems. These two kids had a lot of issues. The two children were born into a family where the parents were addicted to drugs. The young boy does not know how to be a child because he was the caregiver for his siblings. He saw his mother and father at their worst when they were using drugs. All I could think the entire I was sitting there was what the hell?

I typically avoid watching and reading the news simply because I am tired of hearing about bad things. I see enough death and pain in my job everyday that I do not need to hear anymore when I go home. It’s one of the reasons why I like comedy shows and movies. There is enough in this world to make us think. When I want to be entertained I want to laugh and feel good.

This morning, however, I actually did read the news using Google. (I like Google because it shows a variety of news stories from different papers from all over the world. There is no bias in Google News.) I came across three stories that really made me say “What the Hell?” They should really have a section on Google for stories that fit the “What the Hell?” category.

The first article is VOAnews.com and it was talking about the recent G8 summit in Japan. The G8 is a very powerful organization that can get things done but yet it seems like the leaders of the G8 would rather take their time improving the world.

President Bush was quoted saying,"By protecting our environment, and resisting protectionism, and fighting disease, and promoting development, and improving the daily lives of millions around the world, we've served both our interests as Americans and we serve the interests of the world." To bad President Bush has not done any of this in his eight years as president. His environmental policies have done nothing to improve our environment and if anything has made it worst. Bush though is not the only problem when it comes to environmental issues. The article states that “only three of the emerging economies, Indonesia, South Korea and Australia, explicitly committed to the 50 percent reduction plan. That leaves out two of the world's fastest growing carbon emitters, India and China.”When India’s Prime Minister Manmohan Singh was asked why he would not commit to a reduction plan he said “ensuring food security, public health and management of scarce water resources are his first priority.” It was very shocking to me that “more than a half-billion Indians live in extreme poverty, on less than a dollar a day.” China’s reasons were the same as India. China does not want “to steps that would jeopardize economic growth and risk political instability.” So here is a thought and I know its crazy but why do we not help India and China provide food, public health, and water sources. We do that and maybe then India and China can start to change their environmental ways. Our leaders are more concerned with Terrorism than they are with helping the sick, the outcasts, and those who really need our help. As I have said before, hunger related kill more than terrorist do.

President Bush has resisted protectionism but has resisted it so much that many US based companies are closing their doors and shipping jobs overseas where they can pay workers a small percentage of what they were paying Americans. The profit margins increase for these companies while many Americans have to look for new job opportunities. This is a scary time for many Americans who lose their jobs to outsourcing because there are no jobs out there. You can blame this problem on capitalism and the principles capitalism bring to our economy but President Bush and Congress, they have an equal partnership in this, have done nothing to stop the outsourcing of jobs to other countries. President Bush has done nothing to stop the fight of disease, promoted development, or really improved the lives of anyone. Instead he veto a bill that would give healthcare to children whose parents do not have healthcare, he instituted no child left behind and have hurt schools that need the funds to make a difference, and led America into a war that was uncalled for and down right wrong. We do not have enough money to fund a National Health Insurance program but we do have enough money to launch a military strike on a Nation that was never a threat to America.

With the No Child Left Behind act, schools that perform better in testing get more money while schools that perform lower get less money. Shouldn’t this be the other way around? What happens to kids that just do badly on tests? I am one of those students and I have always been one of those students who just freak out with anything involving a test.

Many environmentalist criticized the G8 saying they did not take enough action against making a change in environmental policies. One leader claimed that their actions at the summit open the door for talking about these environmental problems in the future but many environmentalists claim that if more action does not occur sooner rather than later, the problems we create today will be almost impossible to fix tomorrow. What the hell?

Moving on…

There has been a lot of talk about the recent Iranian Missile test yesterday. Many world leaders are afraid that they were building Nuclear Weapons with the Uranium they have been mining. The Iranian government claims that their nuclear program is for civilian power and not for military but the recent missile test concerns world leaders. According to the news organization Reuters, John McCain is calling for the U.S. to “establish a missile defense shield in Europe to counter Iranian ambitions after that country test-fired nine missiles.” McCain claims that these tests "demonstrate the need for effective missile defense now and in the future, and this includes missile defense in Europe as is planned with the Czech Republic and Poland."

Now I am not a very smart man but whatever happened to talking and using diplomacy instead of using war and threats. I do not know what Iran is really doing with their nuclear program but instead of putting up a very expensive and a very non-diplomatic missile defense shield, why don’t we just talk to them? This was Barack Obama idea and McCain criticized Obama saying that "Working with our European and regional allies is the best way to meet the threat posed by Iran, not unilateral concessions that undermine multilateral diplomacy.” Two problems with that statement: What allies and somebody really needs to ask the question do we really want a World War III? Have we not advanced at all as a society and as a world that we have to resolve our differences using violence? Russia is threatening to launch a military campaign against us if we go through with this missile defense shield. This whole situation just sounds like the making of World War and I do not want to be apart of another war. I am sick of war and I am sick of hearing everyday about our soldiers being killed in Iraq. War needs to stop and diplomacy needs to start.

Finally a story hits me very hard. For the past two years, I have had to deal with numerous heart problems with my most recent problem involving high cholesterol and high triglycerides. It’s been something that I have been dealing with for awhile and it is something that I will continue to have to deal with for the rest of my life. Part of my problem is genetics but another part, the larger part, is my lifestyle. It is no secret that I do not exercise as much as I should and I do not eat all the rights foods. If I would make these changes (and trust me I’m trying) my cholesterol problems would not be as big of an issue. So you can imagine my shock when I read an article where the American Academy of Pediatrics is now encouraging doctors to give statins to kids who are overweight and have high cholesterol. I do believe that genetics do play a major part in some kids having high cholesterol but for many kids this is not the issue. We took out gym and physical activity in schools. Fast food restaurants advertise to our children and have even taken over school cafeterias selling their food everyday at lunch time to our nation’s children. Children today rather play video games then to go outside and play a game of tag or ride a bike. What the hell?

I understand where the doctors are coming from. High cholesterol does lead to severe heart problems in the future (Need proof? Look at me.) but the cure to the problem is not a pill but rather physical activity and life style changes. I would give anything to get off my heart medications but I know I will never be able to because my body is dependent on the drugs. While these medications keep me alive, they at times can make me dizzy and have created a hard stigma for me live with. I am 23 and on heart medication and at times is very overwhelming stigma to live with. I have a fear of forgetting my pills and having something happen to me. I think before we go through with this plan, we need to look at the overall picture and look at where the problems are starting and then make a change at the beginning rather than at the point of no return.

Now you know why I avoid the news.

Tuesday, July 8th

My computer, whom I have named Earl, is sick. His motherboard (in a mac it is called something else but it is the same thing) has gone up and they don’t know why. The apple guy said it was probably a power surge or just bad luck. I’m thinking it was the bad luck. So I will not get my computer back till this weekend and I am going through withdrawal. That computer goes everywhere with me. I am really hoping that they don’t lose any of my files. I couldn’t afford the 150 dollars to back everything up. All in all yesterday sucked!

I had this really great blog entry that I was going to post yesterday but it was saved on my computer before I could post it. You all will just have to wait till I get my computer back to read it.

With the rising fuel costs affecting every single American with decreased spending and traveling, many businesses themselves have to make cuts. Driving in today to work, I heard AirTran would be cutting 180 pilots and 300 flight attendants jobs. This comes after all of the AirTran employees had to take a company wide pay cute. It makes me sick to think that we have built our economy on oil. Without oil, our economy shuts down and we all suffer.

Some of the highest paid CEO in this country work for companies that supply us with our energy needs. People have to decide whether they provide food for their family or heat their house and put gas in their car so that they are able to go to work. According the Associated Press in 2007, Bob Simpson who is the CEO XTO Energy Inc. brought home $56.6 million and Ray Irani of the Occidental Petroleum Corp brought home $34.2 million. Simpson was ranked the fourth highest paid CEO and Irani was ranked number ten. While some Americans put themselves in debt and go without heat in the winter, these CEO’s sleep warmly in their homes. There is no reason that anyone needs to make 56.6 million dollars. Maybe I have been corrupted by my sociological education or even my Christian nature but it does not seem fair that some live high on the hog while others live in poverty.

I have lost all faith in the American Dream. I do not think it is possible that someone who is at the bottom of our society is able to work themselves up the ladder and become successful. To get any where in this society, one needs a good college education. College tuition though is rising faster than the rate of inflation. If it was not for my parents, I would not have been able to go to college. It wasn’t easy for my parents to put both me and my brother through college and for some it’s not even possible. We are not making it easy to get a college education and if anything we are making it harder. Robert Messenger, a sociologist, has written many articles involving college athletes. To summarize his points, he states that all college students are being pulled in so many areas that it’s making college harder and harder for students. Students are now expected to work in college, they are expected to participate in activities outside of the classroom, and still complete all there assignments on time. How do we expect people to get an education when we are making it more and more difficult to get through college?

I am writing this entry with no idea how to fix the rising energy costs for our country. I don’t think there is one single person or entity to blame for the rising fuel cost. I believe it is a whole host of contributors to the problem. Our economy is the worst it has been in years and the decreasing value of the dollar is hurting us. I also believe that SUV’s with poor fuel efficiency have also led to the increased in fuel costs. Even with the poor economy and vehicles with a low mpg, Energy giants are most likely the major causers of this problem. Exxon-Mobile in 2007 made a record 11.7 billion in quarterly profits, according to CNN. Profit is defined as gross income minus, and I stress the word minus, expenses. 11.7 billion is excessive and downright wrong. OPEC may be raising their prices but oil companies are also making sure that they bring home a large profit.

I really hope November gets here fast. We need a change in leadership. Canada here I come…

Thursday, July 3rd

“Let us be guided then by a sense of Justice. Let us build a system of just laws and and demand adherence to those laws. Let us create a city of equal opportunity for all, with all sharing in both the responsibilities and benefits. Let us create a city where neither the choice of religion nor the accident of color is an obstacle to opportunity and advancement nor a substitute for effort and ability.” Moon Landrieu Mayoral Inaugural Address. May 4, 1970

I found that quote on my latest trip to New Orleans. It was a plaque located right along the Mississippi River. We had actually come upon it accidentally and I'm glad we did find it or I would not have anything to talk about today. Inaugural Addresses seem to always stay with us. They are burned into the structure of society and become the foundation of social change and social movement. FDR's famous line "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" lead to the New Deal plans and FDR bringing the country out of the Great Depression. Or John F. Kennedy's famous line "Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." This famous line probably cost JFK his life because change comes at a price and some do not like to the pay the price of change. Even if it means a better tomorrow.

None the less, what our leaders say and what they do reflect our country's ideas to the rest of the world. Their words and actions also give confirmation to the ones they serve that they are doing the right thing although doing the right things is not always the correct thing to do. Adolf Hitler preached a message of hatred and discrimination based on nothing more than religion and lifestyle choices. His words lead the confirmation of the German's long standing anti-Semitism towards the Jewish people and gave the people permission to persecute them. His words and his actions were wrong and lead the deaths of innocent people.

However Martin Luther King's words lead to a social revolution of change. Where Hitler's social revolution lead to the murders of thousands and a lifetime of shame for his country, Kings social revolution lead to the freedom and civil rights to all individuals and not just to those with white skin. While I believe we have a long way to go before racism is a thing of the past, we have come a very long way from the days of separate bathrooms, separate water fountains, and separate restaurants for African Americans. Racism still goes on but not at the scale that we once saw.

So did Moon Landrieu's dream of a socially equal New Orleans come true? Did Landrieu administration "build a system of just laws and and demand adherence to those laws?" Did he and the people of New Orleans "create a city of equal opportunity for all, with all sharing in both the responsibilities and benefits?" What about creating "a city where neither the choice of religion nor the accident of color is an obstacle to opportunity and advancement nor a substitute for effort and ability?" To be able to answer these questions, we must look at ourselves and ask these questions of ourselves first. Societal change does not occur till after the people change their actions. Societal change does not occur till we gather together and commit to new ideas and a new process for society.

Happy Fourth of July! May we celebrate where our country has come from and where we are going!

Wednesday, July 2nd

Ok nothing is really going on today.  It has actually been very quiet.  I just want to share a good joke...

There was a German man, a polish man, and a Irish man working high up on building.  They were all sitting on a beam eating lunch one day.  The German said "I'm sick of eating bratwurst for lunch.  If my wife makes me bratwurst one more time, I'm going to jump off this building."  The Irish man said the same thing.  "If my wife makes me sour beef and dumplings one more time I'm going to jump."  The polish man also agreed with the two men.  "If I have polish sausage one more time I will jump."

The next afternoon all three men are sitting on the same beam high above the streets.  The German man says "bratwurst again" and he jumps.  The Irish man says "sour beef again" and he jumps.  The polish man says the same thing and he jumps.  

At the funeral for the three men, their wives were all talking.  The German wife and Irish wife were crying and said "if only I had known he didn't want the same lunch over and over I would have made him something different."  The polish lady says "I don't know what my husband's problem was.  He made his own lunch."

Sometimes it pays to speak up for change and sometimes its better not to go along with the status quo.   

Tuesday, July 1

"What if God was one of us?  Just a slob like one of us?  Just a stranger on the bus?  Trying to make his way home..."

Ok so I can't take credit for coming up with that line.  The song titled "one of us" and its writer, Joan Osborne received national attention in 1996 when the song reach the top of music charts and even earned a Grammy.  According to Wikipedia, the song "deals with various aspects of belief in God by asking questions and inviting the listener to consider how they might relate to God." 

I was very surprised and even shocked when I did a bible study on Revelation back at the end of April.  My first question to the group what they thought the second coming of Christ would be like.  Everyone was very quiet and I got the typical loud trumpets scenario but then two of the students said "I don't believe in the second coming."  I was not expecting an answer like that.  Their answers made sense in a way that they don't want to see the world end.  The two students were very grounded in science and the whole idea of Jesus coming back to this world and everyone living under his rule could not work for them.  It was just scientifically unreal to them.  Needless to say, I had no idea how to respond to them.  For me, Christ coming back has always been a great dream for me.  Some days its the only hope that I have to hold on to.  

Still I see my student's idea as a very valid point and I want to expand on their thought just for a moment.  God was one of us.  He was Jesus.  Jesus experienced everything that we experience:  loss of a love one, heartbreaks, hatred, persecution, etc.  Jesus did promise to come back but did he really ever leave us?  In Matthew, Jesus tells a parable and says "if you do it to the least of these, you have done it to me."  Every time I come into work, I drive by numerous homeless individuals and I do nothing to help them.  I use the excuse that I don't have enough money or enough time to make a difference in their lives.  There are so many in this world that just need someone to love them.  Could they be Jesus?  Jesus may not be here in the flesh with his mighty sword ruling the world but he is still among us.  Jesus is the single mother with  two kids who are on welfare and has nobody to take care of her children.  Jesus is the war veteran who has never been able to reenter society after the war.  Jesus is in all of us and is with all of us.  I really believe that last line of the Great Commission where Jesus promises to never leave us and that he is always with us.  So until that last day, I will continue to wonder if God was one us? Just a stranger on a bus?