Monday, June 30th

So far my Monday has been going good.  After last week's craziness of scholarship problems, I feel much more at ease with everything.  I'm just hoping that my letters of recommendation get in to the scholarship committee.  One can only hope.  

My weekend was very quiet.  Saturday was church.  Sunday I went fishing and then helped Les with his trains.  We have a very different way of wiring.  I'm very much a perfectionist with soldering and I want the soldering joints to look a certain way.  Les just wants to put sod on the wire to hold them together.  It works sometimes but it usually isn't very permeant.  Other than that, we work very well together.  Les also likes working slow.  I like working slow but I wouldn't be able to sleep if something wasn't finished.  A true train lover though always enjoys working on his or her train set; Trying new things and are constantly moving things around.  I really do not know what I'm going to do when I go back home and have no train garden to play with.  Only four years of school and I'll be able to set my train garden back up.  

Friday, June 27th

I started writing this entry at 2 pm this afternoon and never finished it.  I didn't really like what I had written down anyway.  A fresh slate is always good...

So last night I was watching TV and came across a show called Hopkins.  It profiles doctors at John Hopkin's Hospital in Baltimore (Of course I could not turn down an opportunity to watch a tv show involving Baltimore).  One of the doctors who was being profiled was going through a rough patch in his marriage.  He was having to work 80 hours a week for his residency while his wife mostly took care of their three children.  She asked him to move out while they sort everything out.  He said "a good doctor will always put his patients first."  By this very definition his family would have to come second.  This man, who is a very good doctor, was willing to risk losing his family and the love of his life so that he may save the life of a patient.  I don't know if I should give him a metal or slap him.  

This lifestyle is the same lifestyle Christ is calling his followers to lead.  The message that Jesus was teaching was not well taken at the time.  The message that Jesus was preaching was to ignore what separated  us as a people and work together to provide the needs of everyone around us.  This is what Jesus says in the 10th Chapter of Matthew.  

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.

The road that Jesus is calling us to walk on is not well paved but it is full of pot holes and individuals who are set on robbing us.  I can remember telling my family that I wanted to be a pastor.  Everyone was telling me I was foolish and I should not follow my calling.  I lost many of my friends from high school because I was no longer the Matt Day they were friends with.  I was now Pastor Day.  The road of following Christ is not easy but we are still called to follow Jesus.  Even through all the hard roads that I faced, I kept pursuing what I felt was my calling.   My family eventually came around and I learned who my true friends were.  Throughout this whole time of discernment I do not doubt for a minute that God was not with me.  

So I don't know how I feel about this doctor who is putting his patients before his family.  God has called him into medicine to save lives and he needs to do just that but God also gave him the responsibility of being a father to his kids and a husband to his wife.  The debate goes on...

Thursday, June 26

Today has been a rough day. Nothing bad has happened at work but rather my frustration comes from some scholarship money that I was promised and now is not available at the moment. If this turns out to be the case, I am screwed. I was depending on this money to live off of for the next two semesters. I spent the past 4 hours running around trying to get references together in order to mail in this other scholarship that I was planning on applying for. Needless to say I am frustrated and very annoyed. I also didn't get to go on my walk today because it was too hot and I was not in the mood to get all hot and sweaty. Now I am going to have to force myself to go for a walk tonight once I get home. I know there is a mall close by that I may go and walk around. At least they have A/C. Needless to say it was for the most part a bad day. I did get to talk to my pastor from back home and a high school teacher who I was very close with throughout high school.

Wednesday, June 25

So you may be wondering where I come up with all of these entries.  I have a 30 minute commute and I usually go for a walk during lunchtime and I usually do a lot of thinking during those time periods.  I'm not crazy  and I have a paper that proves it.  

Today has been a very quiet day.   I took advantage of the break in work and did some discerning and praying today.  Did you know that on this date in 1530, Philipp Melanchthon, the main author of the Confessions, and the Princes of Germany presented the Augsburg Confession to the Emperor and to the world.  This document showed the rest of the world that the church could be and was wrong.  The Augsburg Confession defined the beliefs of Christian Reformers.  It represented and still represents what we as Lutherans believe to be true.  It is the bases of our Faith and in a way, its a gift from God.  Many reformers tired and failed but Luther succeeded.  The church that Luther loved turned its back on him and he still succeeded because he knew he what he was doing was right.  When Luther stood before all the Princes and the Emperor and said he would not recant, "Here I stand, I can do no other.  God help me."  Luther stood up for what was wrong and demanded change and change did happen.  Luther would have been killed if it wasn't for the fact that the people around him believed in the same message that Luther was preaching.  They saw the same vision that Luther saw for the church;  a church that taught a message of Salvation through their faith and nothing else.  

Tuesday, June 24th

The single most important church doctrine in the Lutheran Church is Justification by Faith through Grace.  I had to memorize that title in confirmation as many of us had to.  But what exactly is faith and what exactly is grace?  There is the passage from Matthew where Jesus proclaims that if we only have faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains.  I don't know about you but I have never been able to say to a mountain move and that mountain actually moved.  Do we not have faith?  I don't believe that is what Jesus meant but rather it was to show us the great power our faith can have on this world.  Jesus often spoke in parables and a mountain could easily be substituted to mean governments who have gone astray or drug dealers who ruin neighborhoods.  These are just a few examples.  

Still the concepts of Faith and Grace are a complete mystery to me.  How can I have faith?  Well it's by God's grace.  Well what is God's grace?  It comes from your faith.  Faith comes from God's grace but one must have faith to receive grace.  Now you know why this is all a complete mystery to me.  The beauty of theology is that its okay to admit that we don't know.  Science demands hard facts to back up findings and the truth but theology and religion facts and proof solely rest with God.  To say we don't know shows the world  the great awe and power of God.  God is God.  If we could understand God we wouldn't need God.  

This world needs God.  God makes all the hard decisions and at the same time brings comfort to us.   Good people lose their jobs because of corporate take overs, young men and women die everyday because of drug related crimes, parents have to bury their children because of cancer or other incurable diseases are just some of the problems we deal with every single day.  Why one child lives while another dies is a mystery but its a mystery that we don't have to know about or will ever have to make those choices.  God makes the hard choices and God also comforts us.  

I was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition on Sunday night.  It was the 100th episode and they were showing clips of the previous episodes.  One builder was giving a motivational talk and he said, "We are not heros but we are angels."  We don't always have to be heros to make a difference.  We cannot save the world.  The world has a Saviour.  Rather, this world needs angels in order that others may see and know God.  

I happened to be surfing through YouTube last night when I came across an old act of George Carlin titled "Religion is Bullshit."  I only watched a few minutes in the beginning because I cannot stand listening to closed minded individuals.  (I am going to  paraphrase what I heard)  He said the biggest load of crap that world has ever seen, he claims, is religion.  Carlin claims that we, the church, have convinced the world that there is this great man in the sky watching everything we are doing.  I turned off the computer after I heard that.  The church has done no convincing.  Rather, God loved the world so much that he sent Jesus to save us.  Jesus welcomes all to his kingdom.  We did not choose God but rather God chose us.  I hate people that ask "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour" or my favorite "Have you found Jesus?"  No, I have not accepted Jesus Christ fully into my life, but he has.  No I have not found Jesus but Jesus found me.  Shockingly, Jesus was never lost and needed to be found.  These same Christians that claim we need to find Jesus also sing the line from Amazing Grace "I once was lost but now I am found."  When we are lost, we need to be found.  Christ has never been lost.  He is the Seeker and we are the individuals who need to be found.  Christ found us when we were baptized.  Baptism is not something that man created but rather was institute by Christ and through baptism Christ washes us of our sins and we no longer are bound to our sinful nature.  Yes we will still sin but Christ promises us forgiveness.  

Monday, June 23rd

Its 2:36 and I got about an hour and half left on my day.  I have finished all my projects for the day.  Its to late in the afternoon to call any pastors because most of them leave around 1 pm to visit shut-ins or do hospital calls.  So now I sit here waiting till 4 pm rolls around and hide from my supervisor.  I know its a crazy plan but it's working for me.  

It has been very quiet around the office today.  A lady that I share an office with father died very unexpectedly today.   The mood in the office changed when Electra called and let us know.  Now everyone is very mellow.  

Well I'm almost halfway down with my internship.  Less than 5 weeks until I'm officially done.  

End of Week 3

So I'm not really sure what the purpose of this blog is suppose to be.  Am I suppose to write where I'm at in my discernment with my calling or am I suppose to write about my day to day interactions with my colleagues?  I don't know so I figure I would include both.  Today I am going to write about my calling...

I don't hide the fact that I'm entering seminary in the fall.  I am very proud of all that I have accomplished and where I am going in life.  God has called me to be a pastor, a priest if you will, in his holy church.  What I am doing this summer may not be visiting the sick and dying in the hospital but it is doing his work.  Everything we do in life reflects how individuals and society views us.  Martin Luther put it right when he said "You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say."  To not stand up in any job for what is right is the same as committing the wrong.  I enjoy working for a church agency because I am working to better society.  I know its a little "clichesish" but I'm going to say it anyway;  "Our kids are our future."  Working in adoption these past three weeks, I have seen and heard stories of how children were pulled from homes because they were abused physically and mentally.  I have heard stories of 13 and 14 year olds who have gave up their newborns because they cannot provide adequate parenting to the child.  Shockingly though, if we all work harder in educating and providing better programs to children and adults alike, we would not need adoption or foster care.  We would not spend billions of dollars a year in court cost, child care cost for foster kids, or anything involving adoption if we would as a society invest in programs that better individuals rather than investing in bombs and bullets that kill and destroy families.  

If I was told tomorrow that I wouldn't be able to enter seminary, I would not mind.  I know there is much to do in the church that doesn't require being ordained.  Working with LSG is proof enough for me.  

To close, I like to leave with a thought...

I have always had a respect for Tim Russert.  He was a brilliant journalist that didn't care about political parties but rather about the issues.  Any politician that came on his show got grilled.  He died last week at the age of 58.  My own father is 58 and my mom 59.  I will never forget the picture of Luke Russert touching his father's chair.  I happened to be watching the interview on the Today show with Luke while I was at work.  The idea that a man, who is my age, losing his father at the same age as my father was very overwhelming.  I got very teary eyed.  I don't know if I would ever be able to handle a loss like that.  But what is very shocking to me is that every member of the Russert Family is proud to say that Tim is with God in Heaven and they are not bitter at all.  Its very hard to find people like that today.  Life is going to be tough.  God knew that.  That's why he gave Adam a friend and partner in life, Eve.  God did not want us to be alone but rather to use one another as support when one of us loses support.  

We all have the power to change what is wrong in our society.  We can all band together and say "this is wrong and we are going to change it" but yet many of us are reluctant to change.  It's like the whole turns Lutheran when you utter the word change.  I would love to see the day when Adoption and Foster Care are things of the past.  I want to see the day when we all turn to our neighbors, our enemies, the bad guys and say "lets work this out over coffee."

I finally finished my revised proposal to the State of Georgia.  It has taken me over two weeks to revise this proposal.  I included more information than I could ever imagine that they would want to know about the work that I am doing.  Frankly, I think the state knows more about what I am doing than I know what I am doing.  

I think I am finally getting use to the idea of living down in Atlanta.  I don't know if it's because I'm busy and don't have time to think about home or its because I'm really am getting use to Atlanta.  I just came back from a walk and found a whole bunch of stuff that I didn't even know existed.  The best part of Atlanta is the fact that its cooler down here than in Maryland right now.  I'm sure it won't last very long but I'm enjoying it as long as I possibly can.  

We visited our last church on Tuesday and now I am working on getting everything together to visit the congregations.  I'm hoping this will be the easy part of my job....

Summer Project

Part of why I created this blog is to share my experiences of my summer internship.  Below are entries that I have made but never did post.  Enjoy reading 

June 2nd, 2008

My first day at the office was fairly quiet.  The traffic was very minimal and the weather was not all that hot.  Don’t get me a wrong, it was very hot out but nothing that I can’t handle.  I love being from Baltimore and living down in Atlanta;  same problems just a different location.  The working environment is very calm when in comparison to the hospital that I was working at before.  At the hospital I was expected to have certain reports done on different days with no exception.  If the reports were not done then I had to stay till they were done.  One my first day I was given the task of looking up area churches and finding the top 12 to contact and do further research on in order that I would narrow my search down to just 4 congregations to be in contact with this summer.  Unfortunately I did not finish because everyone wanted to meet me and talk with me.  I was willing to stay but their attitude to the situation was to just finish my project tomorrow.  Granted it is my first day but I already like the organization and the people in the organization.  This might change by day day 56 but who knows.

For dinner, my host took me to an Atlanta institution called The Varsity.  Its a hotdog stand that is famous for its chili dogs and onion rings.  It has that old style charm to the restaurant and while the food isn’t the all that amazing (don’t get me wrong, it was  very good) it’s the atmosphere there that draws people.  Cross that off the list.  My host family is very nice.  Les has a wonderful love for trains and has a very cool train garden in the basement of his house.  I seriously could spend hours down there just starring at it.  

June 5, 2008

Its been a rough couple of days at the new job.  I have been very frustrated with trying to figure out what I am suppose to do once I contacted these church; what is my role in the project and what kind of programs does the organization want me to start.  However,  today I meet with my supervisor and my mentor and they sorted a lot of my questions out.  I felt a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders.  I was also frustrated over the fact that it was hard to schedule time with my supervisor.  However, I remembered what Chandler said at the retreat and realize she has probably the worst job in the organization.  She is constantly on the phone with case workers and the state trying to figure out what is going on with different adoption cases.  I have just a minor project when comparing what the organization is doing as a whole.  It’s still a little annoying but I’ll get over it.

June 7th, 2008

Even though today is Saturday, I had to go to the synod assembly and represent LSG.  I’m glad I went and got out of the house for a little bit.  I’ve been gone for a week now and so far its been alright.  I just get really lonely at night and there is nothing I can really do about it.  I didn’t realize that I would miss my friends and family this much.  Take for example on Wednesday.  I usually go to my church at night.  Before coming down here, I use to think of going to the Wednesday night service as something I had to do because I promised to help out in the service.  But now that I can’t go, I realized I really did enjoy going to Christ Lutheran and talking to Pastor Fries before the service.  I miss talking face to face with my parents and my brother.  Don’t get me wrong, my host family is great but they are not my family.  During the day I’m pretty busy but at night I just keep thinking about being at home.  I’m sure I’ll get over it after a couple of weeks but right now, I’m lonely and miss home.  Being homesick sucks...

June 9th, 2008

My second week at the office was about as eventful as last week.  After working at a hospital and always running around putting out fires, its hard to work in such a calm environment.  I find myself still rushing through many of my projects because of the previous work environment that I had worked in.  Today I started contacted the pastor’s again to setup a one-on-one discussion about adoption.  I got in touch with all the pastors.  There are two churches I need to do a follow up phone conversations because of vacations and such.  The other two congregations were very happy to meet with me.  One congregation even offered to put an ad in the paper advertising our support group.  Its a lot of fun seeing this all come together.  I am just very inpatient and want it to happen right away.

June 11th, 2008

I finally got to get my hands dirty and go out and meet a pastor.  It was just in time too because I was beginning to go a little stir crazy sitting in my office wondering why God sent me to Atlanta.  This visit turned out to be very beneficial for us.  We went to Emmanuel and it was one of the larger of three African American churches in that area.  Ideally, I would like to have focused my attention on all three but since I only have 8 weeks, I had to choose the larger of the three, Emmanuel.  Emmanuel, however, has somewhat of a partnership with Saint Mark and Atonement and the pastor said we should invite them to our social gathering on June 30th.  I knocked out three churches in one day without even trying.  I was thrilled.  Freaking thrilled.  Now I will be busy for the next few days contacting Saint Mark and Atonement along with the other three churches that I have confirmed things through already.  Yippie!!

On a side note, it is amazing at how sometimes God reveals himself to us.  I was at Target tonight buying a card for my dad for Father’s day and I decided to check out the DVD department.  Since I usually have nothing to do at night, DVD’s have turned out to be an evening for me.  At a campus ministry meeting a couple of months ago we watched part of a movie called the Ultimate Gift.  They had this movie for sale in Target so I decided to buy it.  It is an excellent movie and I recommend it to anyone.  One scene though has been on my mind.  Jason, who is searching for his gift left by his grandfather (which is really a life lesson) and Emily (a young girl who is dying from leukemia) are sitting in the chapel of the hospital.  Emily is crying and Jason says “I don’t know a lot about Religion or Jesus” and pointing to the statue of Jesus he says “but I know those arms were meant for holding you.”  I’ve been going back and forth with living down here and always thinking about the loneliness that really what I am doing is helping kids who are being held by the arms of Christ.  The loneliness that these kids who are living in foster care is unimaginable.  I know what it feels to be loved because I have been loved and I miss having love ones around me because I know what it means to have love ones around me.  These kids don’t.  Many of them haven’t seen their families in years and have parents that want nothing to do with them.  They have been placed in foster home after foster home and never really feel a sense of love and family.  I know what I miss but these kids never have felt it.  What I am doing is giving these kids a chance to feel what I miss.  Luckily for me, in 6 1/2 weeks, my loneliness will be gone, and I will get to see my family and friends.  Many of these kids that I’m working with will not. 

June 12th, 2008

Today was a very productive day.  I got an action plan written up for Emmanuel and did some organizing for Noreen.  I got to go on a nice walk during my lunch and had a nice dinner at this really good bar-be-que restaurant.  I also got to spend some “quality time” with Les tonight.  We watched a basketball game.  All in all, a very good day.  I need more days like these to help with getting over the loneliness of this summer.  I also had a meeting with my mentor today.  I find it funny that Lorraine is my spiritual advisor this summer and not the pastor who runs the organization.  Even Lorraine feels it’s odd to give spiritual advice to a seminarian.  Granted, I don’t have everything figured out and there are somedays where I seriously question my faith.  The idea still just seems odd to me.  I find it hard to open up to Lorraine.  I hardly know this lady and I’m suppose to tell her things.  I can barely tell myself personal things let alone a stranger.  I don’t know...

On another note, I have been thinking a lot about a conversation that happen the other day in the lunch room.  I typically don’t like eating lunch with other people.  I sometimes like to be alone and get some Matt Day time.  But at the same time would never turn down eating lunch with someone.  I know its weird.  Get over it.  My journal, my thoughts.  I was about to get up and go for a walk when the president of the organization walked in and asked if he could join me.  So I decided to stay and then everyone started to file in the lunch room.  Everyone was talking about the news and stuff and one lady made a comment about a recent article in the paper about a Georgia Tech student who died from Heroin overdose.  She thought it was wrong that the paper published that he was a good kid because good kids don’t do drugs.  Now I thought she was wrong but I had only been at this office for a little over a week so I kept my mouth shut.  One lady, Traci, was very vocal in this discussion against Elizabeth’s claim that all kids who use drugs are bad kids.  Elizabeth turns to me and says I’m to quiet and to chime in.  I told her I didn’t think there was any good left in the world and I really believe that to be true when we think just because somebody uses drugs automatically makes them a bad person.  Now I didn’t say this.  I was a little more broad in my explanation.  But if you think about it, we live in a time period where we can do almost anything.  We can transplant organs from human to another (from one species to another even) and yet we use violence to settle difference, we lock up society’s worst offenders and do nothing to try to change their behaviors.  Studies have show that if communities and governments invest in community development programs, crime will fall while good behaviors, social advancement, and overall a better environment for people will increase.  But yet, we rather invest in weapons that kill and destroy and less in trying to make a permeant change in the lives of people, in the lives of our neighbors.  So until we change the current path that we are on, I will stand by my claim that there is no good left in the world.  

The only good person that came into this world, we hung on a cross.  Luckily though, I believe God still walks with us.  He reveals himself through the lowliest of people.  Through our enemies and through the little children that I help place.  But still, we find a way to screw it up.  We shot back at our enemies rather than doing what Christ said and turn the other cheek and actually talk with our enemies.  People have babies that shouldn’t have babies and these little children are placed from foster home to foster home and never know what it means to feel love.  Finally when they are place in an opportunity to feel love, they have a permeant emotional scare that will never heal.  Where is the good in that?  I believe our society needs to do a 180 and change everything for us to see the good in our society.  There is no reason that people need to live in poverty anymore in our country or in our world.  My God we are all people and to see any child starve or see any individual have to make the choice of feeding their family or buy a life saving prescription drug is a sin.  We could feed the entire world but yet we don’t.  Bishop Hanson said it best.  Hunger kills more people than terrorism does.  Thats a fact.  Millions die every die from hunger related illnesses.  What happened to us.  In the early church, people sold everything they owned and gave it to the church.  Many of us have much more than we ever could need and yet only put pennies into the offering plate at church or to any charity for that matter.  We complain every time a charity asks for money to help people but yet we are happy to go out and spend 100 dollars on dinner at a nice restaurant.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not knocking treating yourself everyone once and a while.  But I think we are missing the greater picture.  So many of the worlds problems could be fixed if we all just worked together and stopped this craziness.  If we all would elect leaders who were more concerned with the lives of the people and less on their own personal life and gains our world would be a better place.  If we all took a stand and said no more to energy giants who are robbing the public blind  while making record profits.  Some of the highest paid CEO’s in this country are in charge of energy companies.  People freeze in the winter while they collect their multi-million salary.  Where is the justice in that?  Where is the good in that?

We can put a stop to this.  We ended slavery, we ended the oppression of women, we gave children the ability to have a voice, and we put the rights of all individuals before the rights of the social elite.  We can change the state of our society and the state of the world.  What we need to do is elect leaders who promote rights of all individuals and use the means of war as a last resort.  Who use their power to help and who use their political power to make social change.  It is only then will we see a change.  It is only then will we see good.  We continue to oppress the future of our world, our children.  If we teach our children to love, then they will show that love when they take over this country.  They will become the good we need to make a change in our world.