Journal Entry for Week 8

I have just realized that I have gone most of the summer without really reflecting on my hospitalization some three years ago. I have been telling myself that it is because of my internship here at Reading Hospital but I have to wonder about that reasoning. I have said on many different occasions that one cannot dwell in the past; it will only cause that person to second guess their decisions and ultimately question their current life situation. But I have never looked with regret on my hospital experience. At times I have asked God, “Why me?” but I have never thought that it was some kind of punishment: I survived something that would have killed many people; I have a strong relationship between my family and friends; and I have a strong relationship with God. I don’t necessarily think that my faith has changed all that much—there was a point when I question my belief in the existence in God—but I have built a relationship with God where I am no longer see God high above me but rather with me.

What happened to me three years ago did change me and it pains me to think that I no longer heavily reflect on this experience. I am a new person, a new man, and it is all because I spent 26 days in the intensive care unit at the University of Maryland. While my hope is not to forget there is a hope that I am able to live with the idea that I have stared death in the face, was able walk away, and now only look back when I am in need of support or guidance.